the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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