walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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