I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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