and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
