C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
