and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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