I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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