Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
