It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
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its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
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I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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