I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
