and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
My life is pants optional.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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