i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
