it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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