Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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