I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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