I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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