he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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