I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
