You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Michael Bay diarrhea
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
