Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
