just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
