it hurts more in the daytime
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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