Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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