there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
4 words: hood of his car
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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