You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
