I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
