Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
