he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
