I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
