just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
