lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
