You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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