My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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