My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
