Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
