i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
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