That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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