i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
