even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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