Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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