that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
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had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
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He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO