Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future