I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
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is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
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It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
sex in a hospital.. check
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?