Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.