My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Small penises have feelings too.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?