Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.