They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The air was thick with penises
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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