I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
