Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
...so i touched it.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased