phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy