I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?