Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
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i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?