what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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