My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
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he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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