PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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