This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
