careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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