right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Please don't give away my fajitas
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize