I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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