Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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