Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
