and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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