I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
