didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
