I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
