i wish semen tasted like chocolate
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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